Committed
by SynesthesiaAddict
Summary: "My name is Orihara Izaya, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with me." Oh what, you think I'm crazy too?  Screw you.  And I could care less what Shizu-chan thinks, butting in or not.  Will rise to M for slice of lemon in later chapters
1. Prologue

_A/N: Based on the true story of my experience in 1E psyche ward. All names and descriptions have been changed to retain anonymity of fellow patients. Dedicated to my girlfriend, who stuck with me the whole way through._

**Committed**

**Prologue**

Izaya kicked the orderly square in the chest and back-flipped away, only to find another pair or arms trying to pin him down. The flickblade was out and slashing, a frown forming on Izaya's face. Resorting to a weapon against professionals was a sure way to lose it – or himself – to the system. And he did not want that.

How did this happen?

Shizu-chan of course.

Izaya was convinced that this was to get back at him for his most recent offense against the man – thirty days in jail for damage to public property. Shizuo might have been able to pay the fine if Izaya hadn't temporarily frozen his bank account. This had to be revenge, sicking the mental health community against him.

It was one battle he would actually

His eloquent words fell upon deaf ears. It took seven people to pin his wirey and flexible body and worm the blade out of his fingers. By the time the tranquilizer hit him, Izaya had injured five of them.

So he was a little groggy when he woke up in the ER.

"What... the hell...?" he managed. His throat felt like cotton, his limbs were heavy and weak. The beeps and ticks of a monitor next to him quickened while a mildly painful pressure suddenly started to tourniquet his arm – a blood pressure cuff.

132/84 it read. Pulse 92, which quickly rose to 116 when it started to all come back to him. The machine alerted a nurse, who then went to fetch the on-call doctor.

"Well, well, looks like they finally caught you, Orihara-san..."

"Namie-chan?" Izaya asked, a little confused.

"What am I doing here?" she chuckled with a hint of scorn. "You pay me shit – I work here on the weekends."

"Get me out of here."

"Hmm … unlikely," she said, flipping through papers on her clipboard. "You have seven accounts of assault against you, not to mention the call on your suicidal tendencies..."

"_Suicidal?"_ Izaya demanded. "Come on, Namie-chan! You know that's not true!"

"Do I?" she asked, narrowing her eyes, thin and ugly lips curving into a vindictive smile.

Izaya was saturated with a dreadful feeling he hadn't felt in a long time – fear. "I'll pay the charges off."

"I figured as much – and I can't really stop you from doing that. But I think – professionally that is – that a few days in the psyche ward would do you some good."

Izaya laughed, though a hint of nervousness could be heard in its sharpness. "You're kidding!" Namie just stared coldly at him – she was dead serious. Izaya lost his mirth immediately. "You're not."

"No."

"What, you want a raise? I can make it happen."

"No, I don't think so."

"Shizu-chan put you up to this!"

"Perhaps. Either way, this will teach you a lesson you'll never forget." She smiled nastily again. "Ever stayed in a mental unit before?"

"No."

"Enjoy."

"Hey! WAIT!"

Namie continued to walk away.

"**YOU'RE FIRED, BITCH!"**

Namie waved her hand, disregarding him and headed back to the emergency room's nurse's station. "Seventy-two hours minimum," he heard her tell another medical staff, who rolled in with a wheelchair.

Thus began Orihara Izaya's stay at One-East at Tokyo Medical Center for Psychiatrics.


	2. Hell in a Little Plastic Cup

**Committed**

**Chapter One**

**Hell in a Little Plastic Cup**

"My name is Orihara Izaya, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me."

The other members of the group, including a social worker, two nurses and a doctor in addition to the six other patients, exchanged glances. He was pretty sure there was a seventh unmentioned patient holed in her room on one-on-one supervision.

"Okay," the doctor said slowly, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose in a very Shizuo-esque manner. He was a fat, balding Arab man with a horrible accent wearing the almost comical combination of business casual and cowboy boots. One was partway unzipped and it was clearly bothering one of the other patients, who was glaring holes at the offense while bouncing his leg. "Why do you think that?"

"Because I was set up."

"What does everyone think of that?"

Silence.

"Are... are you paranoid?" a small blond woman asked meekly.

"Para – ? Look lady, this was a mistake – !"

"Calm down, calm down," the social worker ordered calmly. "Let's just get back to introductions. My name is Nimitaicho Tenshi. I'm the social worker here on the weekends."

"My name is Yasser Jahid-sensei, and you will be in my care for the next week or so," the doctor said in that irritating inflection.

"A _week – ?"_

Tenshi held up a hand with a sympathetic expression to silence Izaya. "Please, Orihara-san. Let's just finish introductions. Just continue with your name and why you think you're here."

The man bouncing his leg – maybe in his mid-thirties – ceased and cleared his throat. "My name is Asatanu Yoshi, and my mother admitted me here."

"Why do you think she did that?" Tenshi asked.

"I uh … collect things..." he mumbled

_A hoarder,_ Izaya concluded.

"My name is Addy," the small bland woman piped up, her reedy voice hollow from what was probably a night of crying. "And I tried to kill myself last week by overdosing."

"Good, good."

_She's bipolar. Probably._

"I'm Tirimoto Itane," an older woman said softly. "I guess I'm depressed."

_No guff, lady._

"Call me Kareshi-sama!" one boy exclaimed quite regally. "And I am the awesomest person here."

_Narcisistic. Probably manic. Maybe schitzoid..._

"Newajima Haruna," a girl with short and cropped black hair whispered.

_Sounds familiar... PTSD is my guess._

"Gretchen," a girl with long brown hair who looked terrified squeaked meekly.

_Social phobia for sure..._

"Alright, morning announcements, then meds," one of the nurses said, not bothering with her name. "Chicken fingers are not available for lunch today – "

A chorus of groans.

" – and this afternoon's topic will be anger. Think about it."

And then everyone shuffled out.

Izaya prided his ability to peg every person there in seconds flat. Most wandered back to their rooms. Kareshi quickly dominated the television and Addy made her way to the pay phone. He would find her there hogging it often, it seemed. However, he ignored them and made a beeline for the doctor.

"Look, Yasser-sensei – "

"Call me Dr. Jahid," he corrected politely but sternly. Izaya had to wonder how long he had been in Japan. It couldn't have been long to have given his addressed name first.

"_Jahid_-sensei. There's been a mistake."

"Has there?" he asked. Izaya's heart began to sink when it became obvious that he didn't believe him as he related the story of how he'd ended up in this god-forsaken place. "We'll look into it," was all the doctor told him.

"That's it? You don't believe me, do you?"

"Orihara-san, please don't take this the wrong way, but I hear this sort of thing a lot." The doctor slapped his shoulder in encouragement. "Relax while you're here! Consider this a vacation."

"I don't _need_ a vacation. What I _need_ is a fucking lawyer..."

"We have the number at the nurse's station. While you wait, why don't you attend your therapy? It might do you some good, you know?"

And just like that, he was brushed off.

Izaya had never felt more helpless in his life.

"Meds!" came the call from the window to his left.

Kareshi shoved him forward. "Newbs first."

Izaya gave him a nasty glare and stared at the nurse behind the window a little dumbly. "I don't take any meds."

"You do now, honey. Wrist band, please."

Izaya let her scan the bar on his hospital band as if he were a mere grocery item and blinked. "Huh?" She presented a little cup with three pills. "What is this?"

She sighed and glanced at his chart. "Seriously?"

"I know my rights, lady. What are you giving me?"

"Welbutrin and Serequil."

"Serequil? What the hell for?"

"It's a mood stabilizer. Helps with your delusions – "

"I know what it's for, stupid! Delusions?"

"Look, are you taking them or refusing?"

Izaya frowned. "Refusing of course."

The nurse checked something off boredly. "Next!"

Kareshi drummed on the sill of the window enthusiastically as Izaya stormed off. Delusions indeed! This was ridiculous! Preposterous! Insane beyond measure!

"Dammit, Namie!" he cursed, kicking a paper waste basket across the hall. Tenshi peeked her head out of the nurse's station, but Izaya forced a smile and kept on walking. No sense in digging himself deeper.

He paused at the door with a dozing observation tech in front of it – the seventh patient on the ward. Glancing in he found a girl sitting on her bed staring out the bolted window solemnly.

Then she looked at him, hard, cold blue eyes boring holes into his. He wrenched his gaze away and continued to his room.

This stay was going to be hell.


	3. Code Yellow

**Committed**

**Chapter Two**

**Code Yellow**

The attorney had been useless.

Izaya danced legal circles around her – clearly she was used to less competent callers. He slammed down the worn and chipped payphone down on the receiver and sighed. What a waste of breath – there was no way _she_ was getting him out of here.

The night had been horrible. The bed was stiff and uncomfortable, no amount of blankets could keep him warm, his awful roommate Yoshi snored loudly, the staff shined a flashlight in the room every thirty minutes and to top it off, his room was right next to the laundry room, the banging of which was quite loud.

Having refused Ambien, getting sleep had been tough.

"Um..."

Izaya looked up from his seat in front of the phone and found Gretchen looking scared out of her wits standing before him, clutching a deck of cards. He bit his tongue to prevent a snap out of pity for her.

"Yes?"

"Would... would you like to play rummy?" she practically whispered.

"No."

This prompted her to run off crying.

Izaya had to seriously reconsider his love of humanity at this point.

He remained quiet during group that day, simply observing the way the six other "inmates" interacted, picking them apart and noting with a decided disinterest what made them tick. They would have been cake to twirl around his fingers, but he was more focused on hatching a plan to get out of here.

The downtime between therapy sessions was maddening at best. Besides pacing the hallway, painting, watching television or playing cards, there was absolutely nothing to do. NOTHING. He had to wonder if the stagnancy actually contributed to the insanity as opposed to curing it.

Yoshi's mother came to see him during visiting hours, as did Itane's husband and Addy's sister. Izaya was not expecting any visitors and had resorted to preforming pull-ups on the door frame to the sunroom, trying to calm his racing mind.

"Orihara-san. Visitor," Tenshi told him.

"Huh?" he asked, dropping and turning to look.

The ex-bartender pushed his sunglasses up and cleared his throat.

"YOU **ASSHOLE!"** Izaya shouted, landing a roundhouse kick to Shizuo's face.

"CODE YELLOW!" Tenshi cried, grabbing Izaya's arms and yanking him back with surprising strength for such a small woman. He didn't want to hurt her, so he wiggled out and rolled, wishing his flickblade was where it was supposed to be – in his pocket.

Two more people jumped on him, preventing his pounce on Shizuo. He vaguely recalled two more security personnel trying to pull him off and a sharp sting in his thigh.

Then the world got fuzzy.

"You should leave, Heiwajima-san."

"Goddamn flea gave me a bloody lip..."

"No, really. Clearly now is not a good time."

"Yeah... I'll be by tomorrow I guess."

"That's not a good idea."

"Next week then?"

"We'll see."

And then … blackness.

Izaya awoke in a dark room on a bed, head still swimming. "What … what happened?"

The observation tech – a large male with black and gray hair with a mustache and a name tag that read "John" leaned forward in his chair, setting his newspaper aside. "You were... subdued. Do you remember why?"

"Shizu-chan..." Izaya murmured, sitting up and rolling his sore shoulder. "This isn't my room."

"No, this is the cool-down room," John explained. "You'll be under observation for the next twenty-four hours, and then if the doctor says you're safe you may reintegrate with the community here."

"_Safe?"_ Izaya snorted. He tried to stand but then thought better of it – his legs still felt like wet noodles. "Yeah. Okay. I take it this doesn't look good for me."

"Mmm... no."

"Figures."

"Do you know why you're in the cool-off room?" John repeated.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "For hitting Shizu-chan? Oh please. I've done so much worse to him."

Like throwing knives.

Like getting him run over by a truck.

Like fucking with his head.

"He must be a real saint."

"Pft. Don't make me barf. He's an unrefined, unpleasant beast with no self-control."

"Think about that statement, Izaya-san. Who hit who?"

"Fuck you. You don't know the whole story."

"That may be true. Either way, he brought this for you." The tech used his keys to open a closet, pulled out a familiar worn, black parka and handed it to him.

"My … my jacket?"

"Said he couldn't picture you without it."

Izaya inspected it. The secret pockets had all been emptied save one – the one on the inner right hand sleeve where he usually kept his flickblade. Empty of course, except for the two cigarettes they missed.

Why would Shizu-chan …?

"You idiot..." he sighed happily, sliding into the comfortable, familiar feel of his beloved parka over the hospital clothing he'd been given. A sense of normalcy at least amidst all this craziness. Literally. Izaya didn't care why, just that he had something of his to call his own at last.

But Shizuo...

Why would he help him like that?


	4. Head Games and Cafeteria Food

**Committed**

**Chapter Three**

**Head Games and Cafeteria Food**

_A/N: TROLLOLOLOLOLOL!_

"Yo, Izaya-kun."

Izaya looked up with an annoyed look from his crappy magazine and found Kareshi, the tall kid with poorly bleached hair. He had just been released from one-on-one observation earlier that morning, and the fact that he'd been confined to the cool-off room for the past two and a half days had soured his mood. "What?"

"Lunch is here."

"Whatever." Izaya went back to reading about how to color coordinate one's pillows with one's curtains.

Tenshi came up behind Kareshi and smiled. "We can't make you eat, so if you're hungry, you'd better grab your tray before Yoshi-chan claims it again."

"That asshat is getting fat!" Kareshi laughed. "He's lucky I let him on my turf!"

"It's _everybody's_ 'turf,' Kareshi-san," Tenshi reminded him gently.

"_Sama,"_ he corrected, heading down the hall to the dining area. Tenshi stayed put and crossed her arms, watching Izaya read for a moment.

"Do you mind?" he sneered.

"Nope, not at all."

"You're seriously going to stand there and watch me not care about this magazine?"

"Yep. Unless you join everybody in the dining area that is."

Izaya sighed, tossing the magazine and getting up. On his way to the dining area, he noted a small closet he hadn't noticed before. "What's in there?" he asked.

"Patient records."

"Oh?" He'd asked to make idle chit-chat, but now he suddenly decided that it would be very interesting to see everyone's diagnosis, including his own. "Can we see them?"

"You can go over your own with the doctor next time you see him," Tenshi told him, handing him his tray. "Bon apatite."

Unfortunately the only seat available was across from Kareshi – whom Izaya didn't really like. Too loud, too manic and of course, delusions of grandeur.

"May I, _Kareshi-sama ?"_ Izaya sighed.

"But of course. You are my honored guest," he replied cheerfully.

Izaya sat and picked at the overcooked noodles. "This sucks."

"Tell me about it," Kareshi agreed. "I'd kill somebody for a fucking cigarette, but they only give you these lousy patches. Some lousy health-care law about smoking on premises. And since we can't leave...:" Kareshi shrugged and let the statement hang.

Izaya suddenly decided that he wanted to use this poor idiot's addiction as a weapon against him – or at least as a tool to use him for. "Hey, have you ever wanted to see your records?"

"Yeah, but the doc is an asshole. I _never_ get to see what lies they say about me."

"I can make it happen."

Kareshi cocked his head to one side, interested all of the sudden. "Huh?"

"I'll give you a cigarette if you cover me during rec hour."

Kareshi thought on this. "...Okay."

"Just refuse rec with me. I'll do the rest."

Thomas was an observation tech during the week, and he was a very large and muscular man. Izaya vaguely recalled the man restraining him when Shizuo had visited. Not someone to mess with. But lifting his keys was cake.

Kareshi set up a solitaire game in the hallway and announced loudly that no one was allowed to help him so the staff would not willingly approach him in order not to trigger him. Izaya squeezed into the closet and squinted, letting his eyes adjust to the dimness for a moment before finding the mauve binder labeled "Orihara Izaya" on a shelf.

"All this from six group sessions, an evaluation from Namie-chan and one round with the doctor?" Izaya muttered in disdain. "Ugh."

Bipolar disorder with psychotic tendencies. Hmmmm...

He flipped through the other binders and committed the other patients' conditions to memory, happy to see that he had been mostly correct in his assessment of the others. Two of which were particularly interesting.

It hit him where he knew Haruna from – she had been the first Slasher and had been his puppet to hold over Newajima's head. The hospital had found her delivered by the black biker in a daze she had yet to come out of. He didn't recognize her with the short hair at first.

_Anri-chan must have really done a number on her..._

The other was the seventh patient trapped in her room by a suicide watch one-on-one. Her name was Shirotsuki Emma, and a gruesome case of assault and rape landed her in the ICU for a week, then when it was obvious the PTSD brought out some schitzoid and self-destructive tendancies (though given the level of evaluation around here, Izaya doubted the schitzoid bit), she landed here. She was up for transfer, but that idiot doctor couldn't find proper placement for her yet.

_How pathetically sad..._

"Queen! I need a goddamned queen!" Kareshi shouted in frustration.

That was his cue to get the fuck out of dodge. Izaya crouched and waited for the all-clear, which came when Kareshi found his queen and announced that loudly as well. Izaya squeezed back out of the closet and slipped him his promised cigarette, then made his way back to the sunroom to do more pull-ups on the door frame to disperse suspicion.

The lax protocol here made the whole ordeal a cake walk. They were just asking to be trolled.

And troll he would.

"Group!" Tenshi called from the nurse's station to everyone in the common area. "You seem in a better mood today, Izaya-san."

"Oh, you have no idea," he replied with a smirk. He'd been waiting for this opportunity all day, and the afternoon group with the doctor seemed the perfect time to dig his fingers into the medical community here and really make them think about what they were putting the patients here through. He decided that yes, he still loved humans. He loved them enough to put them through hell in order to reassess themselves in the most drastic way possible. Tough love, so to speak. What better way to do it than in front of each other?

Izaya purposefully positioned himself to the right of Dr. Jahid, because he had a tendency to move clockwise when asking each patient what their beef was that day. He wanted to go last, and he would have to be swift and brutal in order to get his point across to each of them, lest one of the staff try and cut him off. It was almost like playing chess, but way more fun.

And all the pieces were falling into place for his next move, just as planned.

"Gretchen-san, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Jahid asked her, sitting to his left. _So predictable..._

"Um... well uh... tense I guess..." she stuttered out. _It's like she doesn't know how to look anything other than scared. Pathetic._

It occurred to Izaya that he wasn't being very sympathetic. But then again, everyone needed a reality bitch-slap once in a while. Which was exactly what he planned on doing. He listened boredly to each person's personal gripe that day and was giddy with anticipation by the time the good doctor got to him.

"What about you, Izaya-san?" he finally asked.

"Oh just terrible."

"Why is that?"

"Take a minute with me and let me give you a brief synopsis of why I might indeed be here." He locked eyes with Kareshi. "It all started when I was just a sad little boy that no one would pay attention to, not even my own parents. So I started making people pay attention to me, just to show them that I really was good enough for their love."

Kareshi shifted uncomfortably.

"It gets better of course. I got into middle school and decided that my social status must suck because of the way I looked. So I started to starve myself. When that didn't work, I'd just upchuck every meal in hopes that my girlish figure would be my saving grace. Terrified that the bulimic approach didn't work, I decided to not talk to anybody, fearing them greatly for their judgments."

Gretchen's jaw dropped.

"But I got over that when I realized that what they think is self-absorbed and stupid, so it didn't matter. However, once I got to high school, I got involved with a teacher that had nasty dealings with the Yakuza. But he wouldn't love me back, so I stabbed him. Served him right, right?"

Haruna stared long and hard at Izaya, just about shrinking into herself like she wished herself invisible.

"Izaya, is this really – ?" Tenshi tried to interject.

"Hold on, I'm not done spilling my soul here!" Izaya laughed. "Unable to handle the rejection, I turned to drugs and alcohol for comfort, and they quickly gained control over me. My family ousted me, and I don't think I'll ever get back in good with them, so I crammed AA and NA like it was a line of coke and held on for dear life, though all it was doing was filling my head with lofty notions of a vague divine figure, not really addressing the true reason I was self-destructing."

"Hold on a second!" Addy cried in defense, sounding hurt.

"Izaya-san, that's enough," Dr. Jahid told him. "This isn't – "

"When that didn't work I moved back in with my estranged mother!" Izaya continued, raising his voice to cut the doctor off, now aiming his attack at Yoshi. "She took care of my every need, so I let a lot of things slip. I hung onto every scrap of trash I could get my hands on, thinking that somehow if I had a connection to the past, it was real and not just a hurtful conglomerate of awful memories! Mommy didn't appreciate it though, so she kicked me out."

Yoshi looked like he was ready to cry.

"Izaya-san!" Tenshi warned.

"Having wasted the entirety of my life on meaningless endeavors, I started to play god in my head, finding the world there far more interesting and accepting than the real world, so I sit there all day, refusing to see the world for what it truly is because of this awful hurt in my heart. I do anything to escape it – even sleep all day, just to dream, because dreaming is so much easier!"

Itane was staring off into space, not really there. Oh well, he got his point across to most of them, he couldn't expect a reaction from _everyone._

"I think it's time for you to excuse yourself," Tenshi told him sternly. "This is NOT what group is for, and you know it."

Izaya burst out laughing. "For fuck's sake, don't you see? If that was really my life story, I STILL wouldn't be here! NONE of you belong here! Goddamn, people. Wake up! Humans are all equal before god, no one is better or worse than anybody. So to think that your problems are overwhelming is a ridiculous notion, when all you have to do is have a paradigm shift thrust into your life to open your eyes! I love humans! I love them for a plethora of reasons, but most of all I love them because of the raw potential each one possesses! Don't waste it here, you idiots! Go cram a xannax and get the fuck over yourselves. Sounds harsh and cruel, but its true. Just because it's hard for you doesn't mean you can't do it, so shit or get off the pot, folks! SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT."

"**OUT,"** Tenshi ordered, rising.

Izaya stood up and bowed, then made his way towards the door of the rec room. "People love!" he laughed, waving as he exited, making his way to his room. Whatever consequence happened as a result of this well placed punch to this flawed system of forced recovery was well worth it, even if just seeing their faces was all he got out of it.

"Hey."

Izaya paused. Emma was standing in the threshold of her doorway just across the hallway, the tech that usually watched her at the nurse's station at the moment. "Hm?"

"You forgot me."

Izaya frowned. Emma he actually felt sorry for. Tough love was _not_ what _she_ needed. "Oh, Emma-chan, you don't need a paradigm shift. You need an order of protection and a nice long vacation."

She only stared for a moment, then took a deep breath through her nose and exhaled slowly. "You hate yourself."

"Oh?"

"You can't love yourself, so you love humans in your stead. You see in them what you don't have yourself, and it makes you sad. So you pick on them, trying to make them better because you can't make yourself better. You're … just too outside their schema. At least... that's what you like to think."

Izaya stared at her, caught completely off guard at his own game. He closed his mouth when he realized that it was slightly agape and tried to gather a response when Tenshi caught up with him.

"We're having a little talk about hostility towards other patients," she told him sternly.

He quickly regained his composure and faced Tenshi with a grin. "Gladly, Tenshi-chan. Let's talk about how you're going to justify your job here and shoot down my methods, though I guarantee that I was far more effective to almost everyone in that room than any therapy _you_ might be required to give."

"Come with me."

Izaya glanced back at Emma curiously, but she had retreated to her bed. She had surprised him with her startling insight, and thought for a moment that he might have met an equal.

That is … if she wasn't batshit from trauma.

She had left him uncomfortable and speechless, so he gave her props. But this game was far from over.

He still had the staff to troll, after all.


	5. Paradigm Shift Over Coffee

**Committed**

**Chapter Four**

**Paradigm Shift Over Coffee**

Izaya ended up with one-on-one supervision again, but at least he wasn't confined to the cool-off room this time. After Tenshi's thorough scolding, Izaya said exactly what she wanted to hear after putting up an appropriate fight and dropped it. Needless to say, his interaction with other patients was well monitored now.

It was unnecessary for the most part. Almost everyone hated him now, and avoided him like the plague. Only Kareshi could look past the stinging insult of Izaya's harsh evaluation of his issues and continued to interact with him. This was sort of a mixed blessing, as Izaya still didn't like him very much, but he was better than nothing. He normally wouldn't give this guy the time of day, but having at least one ally in this hell-hole seemed the lesser of two evils.

Now there was just the issue of getting dirt on the staff. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon by their watch anyway, so perhaps pissing them off would get them to push him out the door faster.

He was doing push-ups in the sunroom (because there really wasn't anything else appealing to do but keep his body nimble) when he saw Tenshi push a wheelchair by. Curious, he poked his head out and found that he was going to be having a new roommate, and he was just as disgruntled as Izaya had been upon his admission.

"This is retarded," the new guy muttered bitterly.

"Try to stay positive, Tiriyane-san," she told him in that sympathetic tone of hers. "We're here to help you."

"Help yourself," he spat, rising and heading into Izaya and Yoshi's room with a scowl. "Can I get a cigarette?"

"There is no smoking on premises here."

"Not even if you escort me outside? It's not like I'm going anywhere..."

"Sorry, it's policy."

"Policy can shove it."

Izaya decided that he needed another ally, and that this Tiriyane could prove useful with that attitude. After Tenshi left him to unpack the things he was sent with (after it had been rifled through and anything that could be dangerous or stolen had been confiscated), Izaya approached and leaned in the doorway. His shadow named Yoko wasn't too far off, so he had to be careful with his words.

"So. You're the new roomie."

Tiriyane looked up and nodded. He had red marks across his neck, so it was an easy guess that he had tried to hang himself. Izaya guessed that he also had some pretty severe nerve damage in his left arm, given that he could barely lift it past his shoulder. "Yo."

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Orihara Izaya, and you will be thoroughly disappointed in our roommate Asatanu Yoshi."

"Why's that?"

"His snores could register on the Richter scale."

They shared a chuckle. "Thank god you at least _act_ normal. I'm Tiriyane Ryo. Turns out drinking a whole bottle of Absolut and Aftershock together and blacking out wasn't the best idea."

"I gathered. We'll talk later, right now I have a tail." Izaya glared at Yoko, who hadn't even really been paying attention. Best be safe and not sorry though, he decided. "After lights out we'll talk for real," he muttered softly to his new ally. Ryo nodded with a smirk. This guy might be alright, but Izaya's guard was still up. For all he knew, Ryo was a psychopath, but then again if you picked your teeth wrong they'd admit you around here, so he planned on finding out right from him exactly how to manipulate him.

"Izaya-san, you have a visitor," Tenshi told him, crossing her arms. "Now I'll allow it, but if you blow it again you won't have anymore visitors for the remainder of your stay here."

"Is it Shizu-chan?"

"As a matter of fact yes. I recommend an apology, but that's on you, not me. Thomas will be observing you, so no funny stuff."

Izaya sighed, more curious than angry that Shizu-chan was willing to risk another kick to the face in order to see him. Why he would want to see Izaya at all baffled him, but it _did_ offer an opportunity to find out why he would be so kind as to return his jacket to him. "Catch you later, Ryo-kun."

"Yeah."

Shizuo was sitting out on the deck facing an enclosed courtyard type area (a sad excuse for outdoors), waiting patiently for Izaya, sipping a cup of coffee with his feet up on the picnic table. John and Thomas pulled up chairs, ready to jump in at a moment's notice should things go south again. "Yo," he said, lifting his hand in greeting.

Izaya slid across from him and raised an eyebrow. "So. Seeing as I would be immediately jumped should I express my hatred for you at the moment, I suppose we should start with the reason why you're here."

Shizuo shook his head and put his feet down. "Look, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"That's not what Namie-chan said."

"Yeah, I was in on it, I'll admit that. But I had no idea she'd commit you, especially for this long. I figured a night or two at the most, but man, this is ridiculous." Shizuo was looking quite sincere at this point, and because he was a terrible liar in Izaya's book, Izaya had no real choice but to believe the idiot.

"Regardless of what you meant, this is how it is," Izaya sneered. He chewed in his lip for a second. "But... thanks for bringing my jacket anyway."

"Thanks for the bloody lip."

"Cram it, Shizu-chan, you deserved it."

Shizuo sort of half-smiled and nodded, putting the Styrofoam cup down on the table. "Sure, I'll accept that. One free pot-shot in exchange for getting you stuck here."

"So why are you here now?" Izaya asked suspiciously.

A small frown crossed the blond's face. "I uh … well I guess..." his voice dropped almost too low to hear. "Sorry."

Izaya laughed. "That's rich, coming from you! I figured you'd be reveling in 'an eye for an eye' ideology!"

"Yeah well, I didn't get tranquilized during my stay with the justice system. I could have bent the bars and left at any time you know, but I figured I would serve the time to get out of debt." Shizuo looked Izaya in the eyes to make his next statement as true as he could. "There's no reason for you to be here, so call me crazy but I felt bad."

"Shizu-chan, you feel _guilty?"_

"Shut up, flea. Unlike you, I have empathy."

"Empathy is overrated," Izaya scoffed. "However, your sense of guilt has been more an asset than a setback in the duration of my imprisonment here, so I won't hold it against you." He laughed a little more in disbelief. "You have _empathy_ for _me_ of all people..."

"Gee, you'd think I had a heart or something."

"I guess even big, dumb morons can sympathize, ne~?" Izaya teased, hoping to get a rise out of him.

No rise. Shizuo honestly looked like he felt sorry for him, and it was a little unnerving. "I brought you some clothes."

Izaya stood up. "Alright, what's you're deal, Shizu-chan? Why are you being so nice to me all the sudden?"

"I told you, I feel bad for getting you trapped here."

"I don't believe you."

"_You're_ the lying, conniving bastard between us," Shizuo reminded him. "Is it so hard to believe that I have an ounce or two of remorse?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I felt no regret for sending you to jail last month."

"You could have put me away for a lot longer."

"But then who would I play with?"

"Goddammit, Izaya! You're making it really fucking hard to regret tag-teaming you with Yagiri-san!"

Izaya shrugged and hung his head, suddenly miserable. He had no idea what to do or think about Shizuo anymore. He felt very fatigued all the sudden, like the stifling stuffiness of the place was really getting to him. _Empty_ was a good word for it. Like this place was draining his sanity slowly but surely, ensuring the opposite of its purpose. "Shizu-chan..." he said softly.

"...Yeah?"

"I'm so tired."

The sentence hung about them, rank with more than one meaning. Without prying further, it seemed that Shizuo understood, which was as much a relief as it was frustrating for Izaya. Why was it that of all people, _Shizu-chan_ understood the most?

"Hey," Izaya said quietly. Shizuo raised his eyebrows in inquiry. "... Thanks."

"You're welcome." Shizuo rose to leave. "I'll be by sometime again, is that alright?"

"Sure."

John escorted him out, and they exchanged a glance before he was out the door. Izaya wasn't sure what he might have seen in him, and it might have been that longing to follow him out that door. To be free. To be able to tell him that he was sorry without an observation tech breathing down his neck. To just be himself without the crushing weight of being _trapped_ that grew heavier by the day.

Reality seemed to be undoing itself. Shizuo was not only being civil with him, which was a cold day in hell as it was, but he was being _sympathetic_. What was Ikebukuro coming to?

Ryo came out a minute later, taking Shizuo's spot across from Izaya and finishing the coffee that he had left behind in one gulp. "Boyfriend?"

"ExCUSE me?"

"He's your boyfriend, right? Or maybe an ex?"

"Ptf. I'm not gay," Izaya snorted.

"Neither am I, but I still have gaydar you know, and the way you two were all serious and intense with each other kind of gave off that vibe," Ryo told him.

"Tch. Don't make me laugh," Izaya replied. "Even if I were, Shizu-chan is _definitely_ not my type."

Ryo smirked like he knew something that Izaya didn't. "Right."

"It's a long story, Ryo-kun. Rest assured that my sexual identity is heterosexual."

"If you say so."

They exchanged a laugh. Perhaps reality wasn't as thoroughly in place as Izaya thought. First he ends up committed and then Shizu-chan get's all caring. Then he's accused of being homosexual and he had to actually think about it for a second. A lude image flashed across his mind and he blinked away. The thought of Shizu-chan getting violent with him in a totally different manner was strangely appealing.

Izaya shook his head. Yeah right. Heiwajima Shizuo would _never_ have sexual relations with Orihara Izaya (unless you were a fushoji like Karisawa. Then who knows what twisted fantasies would emerge!). The thought seemed stupid, so he dismissed it, but it circled like a vulture, diving in to gorge upon his rumination whenever it saw an opening.

Izaya changed into the clothes that Shizuo had brought, happy to be out of the hospital pajama get-up and eager to get back into his v-neck and jeans. His shoes had not been allowed as they had laces in them, but Izaya didn't care. Moping around in a uniform of mental shame was not his style. As much as he loved his parka, it looked silly over the teal-green wrap around top and elastic pants. Though they were comfortable, he felt awkward walking around in them. Another thing to thank Shizuo for when he saw him next.

Thank Shizu-chan. How strange!

A bird landed on one of the courtyard trees and chirped loudly, then flew off. Izaya was almost sick with jealousy at that stupid bird, flying over the walls, past the windows and off the property as easily as it flew in to taunt him. If only he could fly...

_Wait a minute..._ Izaya squinted and inspected the walled in enclosure closely. The deck roof was an easy jump from the balcony, and he spotted a fire escape he could reverse vault onto. He didn't see where it led, but if it was up to code, it led somewhere off premises.

Perhaps freedom wasn't nearly as out of his grasp as he might have guessed. Parkuor was his specialty after all … He glanced at Thomas, who was still watching him intently. If he wanted to make a break for it, he would have to get off of one-on-one. That meant behaving for at least two days; a lot of smiling and nodding and such.

"Evening group," Tenshi called from down the hall.

"I'd kill for some dirt on her..." he muttered under his breath.

"Don't you know the best way to do that?" Ryo said from the doorway, startling him.

"Traditional information broker methods don't really work here..." Izaya sighed.

"Dude, nurses talk about their personal crap all the time when patients aren't around or if they think no one is listening to them," Ryo said. "Just try to catch them when they think you're asleep or doing something else."

Izaya felt that smirk on his face, so he grabbed Ryo's hand and shook it thoroughly. "Ryo-san, you sir, are a genius. I think I want to hire you when we get out of here."

Ryo sort of laughed. "Haha, I might take you up on that. My brother fired me, so I'm kinda looking for a job anyway."

"Keep it coming with the ingenious ideas and you're pension is secured," Izaya told him. "Come on, Tenshi is a real cunt if you're late to her groups..."

Oh yes, there would be dirt. Dirt, and an elaborate escape.


	6. Shoots and Ladders

**Committed**

**Chapter Five**

**Shoots and Ladders**

"You know he had an iPhone in his bag?"

"Ooh, the new model?"

"Yeah, the one that's practically a handheld computer."

"I like Androids better. I think Gretchen had one in her purse."

"I feel so bad for her. You know my sister graduated with her? They used to call her 'Wretchin' Gretchen.'"

"How vulgar. Why is that funny to me?"

The nurses shared a laugh. _Hypocritical bitches..._ Izaya thought.

"How's the relationship stewing?"

"With Takeshi? Ugh, it's _not._ I feel like he's using me for the pills I get from here when patients refuse..."

_Ah-hah! Perfect!_

Izaya retreated from his position in the lee of the lunch cart, finally able to get a decent tidbit of information by taking Ryo's advice. Took long enough. If he had to hear one more quip about Hijiribe Ruri or how crappy their boyfriends were he was going to gag.

Izaya retrieved his lunch tray and sat across from Ryo. They had gotten acquainted a little better after lights out a few nights before, and Izaya decided that aside from the suicide attempt that he was a pretty sane guy. Just a little impulsive when drunk apparently. "Did you talk to the doc yet?" he asked Izaya.

"No. Was I supposed to?"

"He's doing patient meetings today." Ryo crossed his arms sourly. "He's sending me to rehab! What a dumbass! I'm not a goddamned alcoholic, I'm not depressed, I was just drunk after a lousy day!"

"Certainly worthy of attention from the mental health goons, but you should have been released by now. You're stable." Izaya frowned. "And so am I. You're absolutely right, this is bullshit. You wanna know why we're still here?"

"Why?"

"Money."

"Money?"

"This hospital gets grants from the city based on patient admissions," Izaya explained. "The more people they have and the longer they stay, the more money they get. It's only natural to act in one's best interest, even at the expense of others."

"That fat-ass bastard," Ryo spat. "Why am I not surprised? And how did you dig this up?"

"A job a while back had me research a particular doctor's methods. Seeing as how I know a black market doctor that knew him, I got the full scoop and nailed him – _bang!_ Right between the eyes!"

Ryo stared, as if he couldn't figure out if Izaya was just using a metaphor or he actually assassinated someone. "... Uh... what is it that you do for a living?"

Izaya laughed. "Killing people is beneath me, Ryo-kun, no worries there. No, I deal in information. Strictly information. I'll bet Shiki-san is wondering where the hell I am..."

"Remind me not to get on your bad side..."

"Heh. No, that would be a bad idea indeed..."

"Izaya-san."

He twisted to look behind him and found Yoko. She was no longer tailing him as he had been released from one-on-one, but he still held a certain disdain for her. "What?"

"The doctor wishes to see you."

"Good luck, man," Ryo called.

"I just might need it..." Izaya muttered, abandoning his tray to follow the social worker out.

She led him to the end of the hallway and unlocked a set of double doors. Beyond that were a set of windows to the right and three doors to the left. She opened the first one and gestured Izaya in. He complied to find a large conference room. The smell of stale coffee permeated the room and made him a little queasy.

"Orihara-san, please have a seat," Doctor Jahid told him, gesturing to one of the many empty seats around him.

Izaya sat with one chair between them and crossed his arms, making it very clear with his body language that he neither trusted nor respected the man. "When am I getting out of here?" he asked coldly.

"Don't be so hasty, Orhiara-san," Jahid said in that annoying accent. Izaya could barely understand the man it was so thick. It was a good thing he spoke Arabic among a plethora of other languages, or he would have been lost. "I'm reluctant to let you go just yet because you haven't taken your medications a single day that you've been here."

"Because I'm stable without them," Izaya snapped. Then he took a deep breath. _Don't berate the man, he'll never let you go... _"But if I start taking them will you let me go?"

"It would certainly count in your favor. You have a code yellow on your record and have a knack for manipulating others to your own ends."

"So?"

"So the point is that you need to admit you have a problem and work to fix it before I feel safe in letting you out. It's on me if something happens to you or others on your account if I let you go prematurely. I need to feel secure in your safety before I let you leave, do you understand?"

"Of course," he said, trying not to sneer. _I have to smile and nod my way out of here? This could take way longer than I'm willing to wait..._ "Is there anything else I should _work on?"_

"Your interaction with the patient community is lacking, and it's a matter of concern to myself and my staff."

"It's how I roll, Jahid-sensei. Understand for yourself that I am a perfectly capable and productive member of society. This just isn't the best environment for me to show it."

"I see. All I'm saying is that I don't want to jump the gun. More than a few patients have gone through the motions just to leave and ended up right back in here. I don't want to say the same for you."

"Can I at least have a timeframe?"

"No, I don't know how long it will take, but we can't legally hold you for longer than fifteen days without transferring you to a better suited facility or letting you go, rest assured."

"FIFT – " Izaya caught himself and sighed. Unacceptable. "Fine. I'll dance your little monkey dance, but I'm telling you that I'm perfectly sane. Or I was until I got here. You pick. Either way, I'm out of here as soon as I get a lawyer who's competent."

Izaya rose and left. He'd already been here about a week and he was going stir-crazy. Another week was unfathomable.

No, it was time to leave whether they liked it or not.

Izaya headed out on deck, which was open because it was a nice day, and stood in front of the balcony for a bit, planning out every move with his eyes as far as he could see. He anticipated every flaw in his plan and came up with solutions for each, then went to go find Ryo and Kareshi.

The two were chatting in the sunroom boredly while almost everyone else was in the rec room, watching some documentary on crop circles. "Hey."

"Hey Izaya-kun," Kareshi greeted.

"Yo," Ryo echoed.

"You boys want a cigarette?"

"CODE YELLOW!"

The workers and techs rushed down into the sunroom, where Kareshi was apparently crushing Ryo's wind pipe for not addressing him properly. Other patients too, ran to see what the commotion was, despite Tenshi's effort to keep others away from the violence that seemed to erupt out of the blue.

Izaya waited patiently until just about everybody (except for Itane, who was content to stare at the wall in her room) crowded down the hall to get a glimpse of some action. He smirked. Perfect. The deck had been left open.

Izaya got a running start, then leaped on the balcony, then pushed off with one foot to jump for the overhang above the deck. He was a little rusty from all this doing nothing so his hand slipped briefly, but he caught himself before he fell. Muscling up, he rolled on top of said overhang and sprinted across to the roof, where the fire escape called to him. It was almost a siren's lure: _freedom_ it whispered.

A cat grab ensured that he landed on the platform nimbly. Looking down he saw that the ladder led into the driveway to a garage for supply trucks to unload. Not losing hope he slid down the ladder and landed deftly, looking around for an exit that led off grounds.

It turned out that the driveway turned a ninety degree angle out into a parking lot. He glanced behind him. No one had followed, so now was the time for a casual face, not a desperate dash. He put his hands in his parka pockets and whistled merrily as he just waltzed out. Just like that.

He would have to replace his flickblade, shoes and get a new wallet, but a trip to his favorite pawn shop and the bank would easily remedy that. He would also need a new phone. Izaya stopped at the bus stop to Shinjuku. Crap, he had no money. Oh well. It would be nice to walk for a change.

Izaya breathed in the fresh air deeply and sighed in content. One never noticed how much you missed the outdoors until you've been denied it for a week. Nothing could have felt better than a breeze, he decided. _I'll make a point to get out more now..._

He hit up a couple of contacts and got some money from some debts he was owed, treated himself to some ootaru (simply the best meal he'd ever had in his free life) and was just about to head out home when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

"Are you Orihara Izaya?"

"Depends on whose asking."

He turned to give the thug a dirty look, but found not a thug, but a police officer. He went a little pale and swallowed to regain his composure. _Okay, you can bullshit your way out of this..._

"We're here on behalf of the Tokyo Medical Center for Psychiatrics."

"Oh?"

"You weren't discharged at the hospital, so it's our job to bring you back and make sure you get the right paperwork."

"I'm afraid there has been a mistake, officer," Izaya said innocently. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about!"

"Regardless, would you please come with us? I really don't want to have to force you or handcuff you or anything, it'll be so much easier if you just cooperate..."

Izaya sighed. He had always been on the good side of the law. In fact, his job depended on being good in with the police. Stain that record and his reputation and effectiveness would plummet. There was a tough decision: outrun the bastards and have them hounding him (which he could easily evade if he desired a blotch on his perfect record), or go back to that pit of hellspawn. It turned out to be a difficult decision he hated that place so much. There wasn't enough money in his pocket to bribe the bastards either.

As it stood, his job won out and he went quietly, sulking in the back of the patrol car miserably. _I was this fucking close!_ They had to go call the cops on him, wouldn't they? He should have known that it was policy. It's not like one could AMA out of a psyche ward, or he would have done it days ago.

This time when his things were taken and inspected, they did a strip search, which was humiliating in itself, as John was brutally thorough. The only thing they found though was the money he'd collected, a new pair of shoes and a reciept from a sushi joint (not as good as Russia Sushi of course, but anything was better than that slop they called food around here...).

"Bummer," Ryo told him as he sat across from him for dinner, Yoko and Thomas not far off. He was sporting a black eye, but it didn't seem to bother him. "Caught, huh?"

"Yeah," Izaya said flatly, poking at the soggy broccoli with glum disinterest.

"Never seen a patient on _two_-on-one..."

"Well now you have."

"How were the few hours you had?"

"Wonderful," Izaya said softly. "Sorry it was all for nothing. Did Kareshi-kun hurt you?"

Ryo laughed and pointed to his face. "This? This is nothing compared to what I did to him."

Izaya looked around. "Where _is_ the bastard?"

"ER. His head clipped the side of a chair on accident and he ended up needing stitches. He should be back some time soon." Ryo grinned. "Hey man, don't look guilty, it was worth it to stir things up around here. I've been here before believe it or not, and stuff like this gives the stay a little zest, ya know?"

"That's good."

"Besides, the smoke made it worth our while," he chuckled quietly. "We can't all be on one-on-one because they're too short staffed, so I think Kareshi-kun and I get off easy. They're too busy watching you!"

"Thank you for reminding me..." Izaya muttered, pushing his plate away. "Here, you want some overfried chicken?"

"Sure."

"Stale bread?"

"Hook me up."

"Half rotten apple?"

"Pass on that one. That looks suspicious even to me."

"You know, if they served the damn food _hot_ it wouldn't be so bad..."

"Only the best for the crazies," Ryo said with a smirk. They laughed a little.

Izaya rose and stretched. "I'm going to sulk in our room now."

"Have fun."

And sulk Izaya did.


	7. Plastic Fork Shank

**Committed**

**Chapter Six**

**Plastic Fork Shank**

Izaya spit out the Serequil into the toilet and flushed. Getting back in the doctor's good graces would not be easy, so he'd started to cheek his pills to make it look like he was actually trying. Two days later and he was back down to one-on-one, but it still didn't change the fact that a nurse named Arisa was watching him like a hawk. The bathroom was his only private moment, and even that wasn't too solitary as his observation tech was hovering right outside the door.

Izaya stepped out and brushed his teeth (as the sink was out in the bedroom area) in order to get that nasty taste out of his mouth. Still, things were in his favor, as Arisa was the nurse he'd overheard talking about stealing pills. All he had to do when he needed a moment was to threaten her with that and she allowed it within reason. So long as he didn't cost her her job, he was free from prying eyes for a few minutes at a time.

It amazed him how much value that had, when on the outside all he had to do was tell Namie to take a hike if he wanted to be alone, and he could do so for hours or even days at a time.

Tch. It sounded like he was referring to this as prison.

Which it debatably was.

"Today my goal is to find an alternative way to cope with my frustration," Izaya said in group that morning, trying to put on the good boy face.

"Does anyone have any suggestions for Izaya-san?" Tenshi asked the group.

Disgruntled silence. Oh yeah, everyone was still mad at him for giving them tough love.

"You could … um … paint?" Gretchen finally mumbled.

"Good! What else?"

"Watch TV," Yoshi suggested.

"Pace the hallways," Kareshi snorted. "Like there's anything else to do..."

"I miss Addy," Itane said absently.

Addy had been discharged earlier that day, and it seemed everyone was green with envy over her freedom. Then again she'd spent a total of ten days there, so the doctor was pushing it if he wanted to keep her the full fifteen. Izaya would have been lying if he had said he wasn't jealous as well.

"All lovely suggestions," Izaya told his fellow inmates. "Thank you for your input." This was so pathetic that he wanted to vomit. Ugh, just listening to himself gave him a gag.

Izaya was convinced that his upper body strength had at least doubled he'd pulled up from that door frame so many times by now. The whole day was a blur of boredom until visiting hours. Izaya had a little hope that maybe Shizu-chan would visit again, and his hope came true as his heart rate jumped a bit.

Why so nervous?

"Hey."

Izaya dropped form the door frame and turned with a smile. "Hi, hi, Shizu-chan! What brings you here today?"

Shizuo shrugged. "Just checking in on your sanity I guess."

"At an all time low, rest assured," Izaya snorted irritably.

"Hey, who's the girl with the short black hair? And the guy visiting her?"

"Haruna-chan? I'm pretty sure that it's her father, Newajima-san. Why?"

"They look awfully familiar is all..." Shizuo mused, putting his curled finger to his lips in a most thoughtful manner.

"They should be," Izaya laughed. "You nearly killed Newajima-san with a van door, and the girl is responsible for all those people assaulting you out of her 'love' for you last fall."

"The Slasher, huh?" Shizuo replied. "I'm not surprised that she's in here. Isn't this an acute facility though?"

"I think they've been transferring her around or something because they can't find the right kind of care for her," Izaya dismissed.

"How come I couldn't visit you for the past few days?"

"Ah. I claimed a day pass and sort of abused it."

Shizuo smiled. "You mean you broke out?"

"I guess if you want to call it that. I prefer the term 'escaped.'"

They laughed together. _God_ this was weird! There was no way Shizu-chan felt as casual as he looked. Izaya wanted to lick the look right off of his face suddenly, so he decided to make the man squirm.

"Shizu-chan, are you gay?"

"_Huh-what?"_

"Just wondering. I'm no good at those kind of things, and Ryo seems to think you are. I've got a bet with him you see, and I'm dying to know..."

Shizuo coughed and blinked, trying to absorb the crass question with as much tact as he could. It was comical to watch. "Ah... well … not really, no..."

"_Not really?"_ Izaya repeated, curiosity intensifying by the second. "What does that mean?"

"It's not like I'd be opposed to that kind of encounter... it's just that the opportunity hasn't really presented itself," he finally said awkwardly, scratching his head. "I sure hope you won that bet, because this is weird."

Izaya laughed. "Oh yeah, I won the bet alright. I have to say that I'm glad."

"You're _glad?"_

Izaya leaned over the table they were sitting at, cupping his chin in his hands and leaning in very close. "I'm sort of in the same predicament, Shizu-chan. Is that irony or what?"

Shizuo said nothing, with a sort of unreadable expression that _might_ be mistaken for a slight blush. Izaya leaned forward a bit, eager to try Shizuo on, sexual identity be damned when he realized that someone was standing in the doorway of the sunroom.

"Do you mind?" Izaya sneered to the intruder.

Haruna stood there in her daze, eyes wide with a plastic fork in her right hand. "It's you."

"Me?" Shizuo asked, a little confused.

"Yes. You, Heiwajima Shizuo. You know... I love you very, very ,very, very much, still to this day..." Haruna said softly, applying pressure with her thumb on the plastic wear.

"Ooookay..." Shizuo replied cautiously. He got out of his chair and stood up. "Izaya-kun, where are all these staff that you always say are down your throat all the time?"

"Good question," Izaya sighed. "The one day Crazy-chan decides to snap, right?"

The fork snapped in Haruna's hand and she was left with a sharp shard of plastic. "Saika is still with me... she tells me to love … love by blood!" Haruna suddenly charged Shizuo, wielding the plastic shank with deadly accuracy. "AND I STILL LOVE YOU, HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

"NO!" Izaya cried, jumping in front of Shizuo. He guessed Shizuo didn't react out of fear of hurting her with his inhuman strength, but Izaya would not sit by and allow him to be stabbed. Not after all the progress they'd made. The man was actually willing to forgive him – something _nobody_ had ever been willing to do for him! He was not willing to give that up. Not now. Not ever.

The shank tore open Izaya's arm as he grabbed Haruna's wrist and tried to twist it out of her hand. She started to scream and flail wildly, landing several cuts and gashes on Izaya's chest and face. Shizuo moved in quickly from behind and half-nelsoned her to minimize the damage she had already achieved against Izaya.

"HEY _DEADBEATS_, WHERE'S THAT CODE YELLOW?" Izaya yelled down the hall. John and Thomas jumped out of their chairs, abandoning their respective all-consuming activities to sprint down to them in order to assist.

Haruna was still slashing and kicking wildly, but the two techs were able to hold her down as Tenshi injected a tranquilizer into her thigh. She threw her limbs about for a few more seconds, then the movement slowed to a weak and sloppy grab at Shizuo, who had immediately backed away when the two staff came in to handle it.

"Man, people just love to _hit_ you around here..." Izaya chuckled, holding his forearm and trying to apply enough pressure to slow the bleeding.

"Izaya-san!" Tenshi cried, kneeling beside him once he dropped to his knees. "Are you alright?"

"It's not too bad..." Izaya said, very glad he wasn't wearing his jacket. "I'm just glad she can't do what Anri-chan can anymore..." Tenshi cocked her head with Shizuo. Shizuo was only vaguely aware of exactly what Saika could do, and Tenshi didn't have a clue. Izaya chuckled. "Hey Tenshi, gotta bandaid? Or six?"

"Come on, we're taking you to the ER," she said suddenly, helping him up and rushing him down the hall. A trail of blood droplets followed Izaya, which of course terrified Gretchen. She ran screaming the other way as Tenshi made Izaya sit in a wheelchair to get him to the ground floor in all haste despite the fact that he was confident that only a large bandaid or two was required.

Shizuo actually stayed with Izaya, which was a mindfuck in and of itself. Izaya was covered in steri-strips from the minor cuts, but his arm needed stitches, much to his dismay. When all was said and done, it was after ten at night.

"You know, for emergency services these folks are awfully slow..." Izaya mused, touching his face where one of the plastic shank cuts were visible and wincing.

"You should take those pain pills," Shizuo suggested.

"No way, I'm selling them to that nurse for cash or favors," Izaya laughed. Then he scoffed. "Pain pills? How weak. I'm invincible you see. I don't need such crutches."

"So if broke your arm you wouldn't cry?" Shizuo challenged.

"You know the answer to that because you've _done_ it, stupid," Izaya laughed as a nurse came into the triage room with another wheelchair. "And you'd think they'd let perfectly capable patients walk their damn selves, huh?"

"Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen you cry..." Shizuo thought aloud.

"Because Orihara Izaya doesn't cry," Izaya assured him confidently, crossing his legs in the chair. "I don't think they'll let you back in on the unit this time of night..."

"That's alright, I'll be by tomorrow."

"Shizu-chan."

"Yeah?"

Izaya leaned forward with a serious expression on his face when they came to a stop at the 1E ward. The nurse was entering a security code and was fumbling for her ID badge. Izaya sighed. "This can't be just guilt."

Shizuo didn't reply.

Izaya smirked. "Fine. My move." He rose from the chair and put his face very close to Shizuo's, as if he were leaning in to whisper him a secret. But instead of a whisper, Izaya ran his lips along the lobe of Shizuo's ear, causing them to burn and the hairs on the back of Shizuo's neck to stand on end. _"I regret nothing,"_ he whispered, blowing on that reddened ear and touching his arm to find goosebumps. _"And neither should you."_

"There we go!" the nurse proclaimed as the door opened. Izaya took his seat back and smiled, waving as he was escorted back into the prison of the mental health community.

Shizuo stood there, dumbstruck. Izaya watched him stand there until the door was completely closed, now unable to feel his tangible connection to the outside world. It was almost like turning out a light, knowing the dark held things best left unspoken.

Shizuo was his light. Realizing that felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, only to pound out a new hurt. Izaya ached to see Shizuo again, if only because he was the only strand he had left to hold onto from the real world outside these walls. It didn't have anything to do with sexual attraction (but it could easily veer that direction if allowed), it was simply a _need_ to have personal freedom. The fact that Shizuo understood that fact and didn't take advantage of those simple human needs every day gave the man a new depth. One Izaya wanted to dive into.

As Izaya lay in that god-awful uncomfortable bed and listened to the laundry bang rhythmically through the wall, Shizuo was the one who graced his dreams. He was glad he had cheeked the Ambien, because he didn't dream on sleeping pills.

And Izaya wanted to dream. Dream of Shizuo and what he would do when he finally got out of here.

To dream of freedom...

Or just maybe to dream, just to know that reality was still in place...

To taste the reality of freedom and not this surreal prison that stank of self loathing.

He wondered if he were the dream, and the dream were the reality sometimes.

And was there really that big of a difference between the two?


	8. A Cigarette For Ten Minutes

**Committed**

**Chapter Seven **

**A Cigarette For Ten Minutes Alone**

_A/N: Hello M rating, how are you today? ^_^_

Rec today included an art group. Izaya boredly smeared paint on the back of some paper place mat (because god forbid the facility actually provides real _paper_ for those committed) and sighed. He may indeed be a genius, but artistically inclined he was not. They were supposed to be doing some kind portrait of their goals, and all Izaya could think about was getting out of this hell hole.

"Whatcha painting?" Ryo asked, leaning over to look at Izaya's work.

"An abstract that represents freedom," he lied, throwing some red in over top the blue just to irritate Kareshi, who was hogging the color with ferocity. Kareshi shot him a dirty look.

"Cool," Ryo said, showing his own work off.

"What is it?" Izaya asked dumbly.

"A sunrise. My goal is to see another sunrise."

"How very in depth of you, Ryo-kun."

"Hey, I want out just as bad as I do, so I'm 'dancing the monkey dance' as you put it."

"Good one."

Izaya scratched at one of the steri-strips on his face and glanced around. Haruna had been transferred to another, more permanent psyche facility. And much to his surprise, Emma had been venturing out of her room here and there, but she was still shadowed by an observation tech everywhere she went.

"That's pretty," Emma told him softly.

"...Thanks?" Izaya replied with a shrug. He wasn't trying to be all philosophical with his pathetic attempts at being creative, but he would roll with it if that's how everyone wanted to see it. Made him look better anyway. "Is that a bird?"

"It's a crow." Emma nodded, adding gray strokes over black. "I haven't painted in a long time..."

"It's better than anything _I_ could do," Izaya told her. "Here's a secret: I'm not creative."

Emma and Ryo laughed together, exchanged a look and then blushed. Izaya could sense some interesting romantic tension between them, and was curious to see how that panned out without him meddling. He never really intruded upon people's love lives unless it somehow benefited him anyway.

Izaya glanced at the clock above the television. 4:12pm. The hours were dragging along agonizingly slow. An hour and eighteen minutes and Shizu-chan would be here, something he'd been looking forward to all day.

Pretty sad when the highlight of your day is seeing your worst enemy's face.

Was he an enemy anymore though? Strangely no, Izaya concluded. The notion was bizarre. What was Ikebukuro without the famed Orihara-Heiwajima rivalry, keeping the streets in shambles whenever they would fight? He was sure the director of public works would be utterly relieved to know that somehow a stay in a psyche ward had settled their differences. What a concept!

After the tenth game of king's corner with Kareshi dotted with anxious observation of the clock, 5:30 finally rolled around and visitors started to be buzzed in. Yoshi's mother was there practically every day, so it was no surprise to see her. Nor was it unusual to see Itane's husband. Kareshi's girlfriend came to see him today however, which ended the timekilling card games.

Izaya drummed his fingers. 5:48 and still no sign of Shizu-chan. This waiting was agonizing. Finally at 5:54, another visitor was buzzed through and the tall blonde ex-bartender was let in. Izaya resisted the urge to simply throw his arms around the man, so eager was he for a taste of something real beyond these walls.

"You're late," was what he said instead, trying not to grin and smirking instead.

"Sorry. Tom-san kept me a little later today than I expected," Shizuo explained. "I didn't get off until about ten minutes ago."

"God I miss reality..." Izaya sighed. What had been a minor inconvenience for Shizu-chan had been a nerve-wracking experience for him.

This place was really getting to him...

Izaya stood up and stretched. "Come on, let's go to the sunroom. I feel like everyone's watching me in the common area."

"So what have you been up to here?" Shizuo asked as they traversed the hallway down to the sunroom.

Izaya shrugged. "A whole lot of nothing, really. Three groups, three meals, med rounds and rec room elementary activities."

"How do you pass the time in between?" Shizuo wondered.

"Between creative ways of working out and television … it's not easy to stay sane with all the nothing that goes on here," Izaya chuckled. They approached the sunroom and found Ryo reading a magazine. He waved, then went back to reading.

Izaya glanced down the hall. Not a single nurse or social worker about. He approached Ryo and leaned down to whisper to him. "I've got a cigarette here that says you'll watch my back for ten minutes."

Ryo immediately lost interest in his magazine and leaned out the doorway with his back to them, vigilantly standing guard for his promised nicotine fix.

"What are you – ?" Shizuo asked.

Izaya put a finger to Shizuo's lips and smiled deviously. "Call me determined, Shizu-chan, but I have decided to provide you and I with ample opportunity to experiment."

Shizuo's eyes got wide and he sort of stammered out his reply. "Wh-what?"

"Oh please, Shizu-chan. Don't act like you've never been seduced before." Izaya leaned forward and locked lips with the man, reveling in his shock and thrilled to feel him reciprocate after a moment of gathering his wits.

Izaya's smaller body fit into Shizuo's taller, more muscular frame perfectly as Shizuo was just about thrown back on the couch with the assault, bringing every pore on his body alive as Izaya drove his tongue into Shizuo's mouth. He was eager to explore every crevice of said cavity, dancing with his lover's tongue in an amazing yet slightly clumsy manner.

There were several reasons the erotic assault wasn't smooth or romantic. Inexperience played a large part on both ends, time constraint caused them to rush and that burning need to feel release fueled them on. It was just raw and uncensored lust, all taken out atop that flimsy couch, which was already several inches away from its starting point.

Izaya yanked himself away and stood on his knees, fumbling with his jean button with shaking hands, having little success at first.

"Seriously?" Shizuo huffed, catching his breath.

"You have no idea how bad I need to get laid," Izaya replied breathlessly, finally releasing his erection from its aching prison. "Do it, Shizu-chan so I can fuck you proper." Shizuo blinked, as if he couldn't believe it. Izaya grabbed his hair suddenly and shoved his hard on in Shizuo's face. "Stop hesitating, Shizu-chan! We don't have much time!"

Shizuo glanced at Ryo nervously, who still had his back turned and was watching the hallway vigilantly. Then he devoured Izaya's flesh, nearly choking as that hard organ swam in the back of his throat, slid over his tongue to his lips and drove back towards his tonsils in reckless maneuvers. Izaya was determined to face-fuck his rival, and Shizuo performed admirably. The pleasure was almost enough to send him over the edge, but he pulled away before the climax overtook him prematurely. _"Stop-stop-stop,"_ he hissed, pushing Shizuo's head away.

"What?" Shizuo breathed, holding onto Izaya's hips as if he were clinging for dear life.

"I want to fuck you."

"Right here? Now?"

"Yes, lay back." Izaya pushed Shizuo back, also glancing at Ryo briefly. They were still in the clear it seemed, as he made no gesture to hurry it up.

"Fuck, you really are crazy!" Shizuo laughed as his heart pounded almost audibly to Izaya.

"Crazy, horny, call it what you want. Pants. Off."

"I can't believe I'm doing this..." Shizuo muttered to himself as he complied.

Izaya didn't even wait until his pants were all the way off. Once they were past his knees, he pounced, one hand holding him down by the chest, the other guiding his cock into Shizuo's entrance eagerly. Shizuo sucked in air through his teeth as Izaya penetrated. He wasn't as gentle as he should have been because he was rushing, but it was still exhilarating. The walls of Shizuo's tight virgin passage closed around his member in a way that made Izaya groan – he couldn't help it! And the expression on Shizuo's face was enough to make him want to come right there. Some cross of elation and pain and anxious glances in Ryo's direction. _Fuck_, this was just too amazing!

Izaya plunged forward, withdrew and dove in again, relishing the sweet friction that Shizuo's passage provided. The sensation was intensely pleasurable, not far off from what a woman could provide, but exciting in a totally different manner. Shizuo's whole body convulsed when Izaya hit deep, and he guessed he'd hit a sweet spot, so he drove in again, harder. Shizuo almost failed to contain the cry. Izaya covered Shizuo's mouth forcefully with one hand and started to jerk him off with the other, being as forceful as necessary in order to keep him quiet while making him come.

Come Shizuo did, shortly before Izaya went off inside of him. It was a good thing Izaya was practically choking him to keep him quiet or suspicion would have surely arisen from the noise. They lay there for a moment, clinging to each other in both tingling afterglow and disbelief.

Ryo suddenly cleared his throat loudly. Izaya leaped up and scrambled to get himself acceptable, as did Shizuo. Ryo intercepted Tenshi and started a nice long talk about his feelings or something, which gave the two enough time to clean up and get redressed. They pushed the couch back to where it was originally and jumped onto opposite cushions just as Tenshi walked in with Ryo.

Ryo looked relieved.

Couldn't have been half of how relieved Izaya felt. Having Tenshi catch them would ensure that Shizuo would never visit again, and he couldn't have that. Especially after that wonderful encounter not minutes before.

"I trust you two have settled your differences?" Tenshi asked sweetly.

"You could say that," Izaya chuckled. Shizuo snorted, trying to stifle the laugh that wanted to come out without his consent. Tenshi nodded and headed back down the hallway, making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. After Izaya's escape, headcounts had become far more common, and it seemed that was exactly what Tenshi was doing.

"Visiting hours are almost over," she called over her shoulder.

"I should go," Shizuo said softly, probably still in shock over what had just occurred.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Izaya asked.

"Sure."

"Alright then, I'll see you."

"Yeah. See you."

Izaya waved as Shizuo left, then Ryo took a seat across from the couch with a smirk. "See? Told you you were both gay."

"I prefer the term 'bi,'" Izaya told him thoughtfully. "Because women are still appealing to me."

"What about him?"

"Shizu-chan? Pft. Who knows? For all I know, he might have been a virgin through and through."

"You don't even know if you took his virginity or not?" Ryo laughed.

"Nope. Don't wanna know either."

"What is the DEAL between you two?" Ryo demanded, baffled.

"We hated each other for a long time..." Izaya mused thoughtfully. "But looking back I'm not entirely sure it was hate all this time... You're not from Ikebukuro, are you?"

"No, I'm from around the Chiba area."

"Heh. I figured, or you would know about us. Everyone in Ikebukuro knows how much I hate Shizu-chan and how much he hates me. I wonder how this will change things..."

Izaya stared at the ceiling for a moment, wondering indeed how their dynamic would change. For better? For worse?

_Ah well,_ he thought. _What will be will be._

Because everything was about to change.


	9. Numb, Dumb and Dead to the World

**Committed**

**Chapter Eight **

**Numb, Dumb and Dead to the World**

It was an awful wait, the next day. Izaya was starting to wonder if they would ever discharge him, it seemed so long since he was admitted. He was dozing in the sunroom when Gretchen approached timidly.

"Um... Orihara-san?"

"Yeah?"

She flinched, as if his voice hurt her. "You … you have a phone call."

"A phone call?" he repeated, a little confused. Gretchen nodded, so Izaya rolled backwards off the couch, landed on his feet and made his way down the hallway, wondering if Shizu-chan might be trying to get a hold of him. He hoped he wasn't canceling or anything – he'd come to drag himself through the day just to see the bastard.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Iza-nii?"

Izaya hit his head against the wooden shelf the phone was on. Oh god no, not his sisters... "How the hell did you find out I was in _here?"_

"Shizuo-san, of course!" Kururi answered cheerfully. She sounded like she started to pout. "How come you tell _him_ and not your own sisters where you are? We've been worried!"

"Totally worried," he heard Mairu add in the background.

Izaya was suddenly angry with Shizu-chan for disclosing his location to the brats. "What's it to you?"

"Did you have a nervous breakdown or something?"

"It's none of your business."

"Don't be so mean, Iza-Iza!"

"How did you get this number?"

"We called to the front desk and had them give us the number. Are you okay? Did you try to kill yourself or something?"

"_No_, you twit. I was set up by Yagiri-chan. Why the hell do you care? Aren't you content making my life miserable normally? Did you have to call _here?"_

"How do you think Shizuo-san got your clothes for you? You're so ungrateful, Nii-san!"

Hm. It would certainly explain how Shizu-chan had gotten his jacket and clothing in his apartment... "He brought me those days ago, why haven't you called before?"

"We didn't have the number until now! Spill it, Iza-nii, why are you _really_ there? You always lie to us!"

"I said I was set up, are you deaf?"

"Ask him if we can visit."

"Can we come see you?"

"No. I'll only be here a few more days at most anyway."

"Jeez, you'd think you were hiding something the way you're being such a jerk!"

"Jerk or no, you have no place here. Just do me a favor and leave Shizu-chan alone, especially when it comes to dealing with me."

"No can do, Iza-Iza! He promised we could meet Yuuhei-san if we let him into your loft and help him help you. So be nice, jerkwad!"

Izaya sighed. "Look, I have to go. Don't go into my apartment anymore, understand?"

"You'll have to get the keys back then. I guess we'll just _have_ to come see you ..."

"For the love of … not today, Kururi, seriously."

"No promises! See ya!"

Izaya hung up the phone and scowled. Kururi and Mairu were two of the few humans he couldn't love, thus he was convinced that nobody could love them but each other. Which probably explained why they were always macking on each other in a most incestuous way. Pathetic.

"Meds!" came the call.

Ugh. This day got off to a bad start. And seeing Shizu-chan wouldn't do much to lighten it, as apparently he was league with his abomination twin sisters too. There would be _words._

The one day Shizuo was on time was when Izaya wasn't particularly keen on seeing him. 5:29 and he was knocking on Izaya's bedroom door, standing awkwardly in the threshhold. "Hey."

"Hey."

"They told me that visitors aren't allowed in the bedrooms."

"Like I give a crap."

Shizuo hesitated, hearing a sharp tone in Izaya's voice. "Is … everything okay?"

Izaya rolled out of bed and walked up to Shizuo with his arms crossed. "How come you didn't tell me that you were using my sisters to help me out?"

Shizuo raised his eyebrows. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

"_Big deal?_ Come on, Shizu-chan, you know I can't stand those devil-spawns!"

"They helped me by letting me into your apartment and picking out some clothes for you to wear, what's so bad about that?"

"I'll tell you what's so bad. Now they think I owe them a favor!"

"So you owe them a favor."

Izaya frowned. "We are Oriharas. NEVER get in debt to an Orihara, and you know it! They'll play this game for months to come and hold this over my head for even longer! What part of your thick skull thought that this was a good idea?"

"I didn't think – "

"Of course you didn't think! You never think!"

Shizuo looked almost hurt. And slightly pissed off. "So you're telling me to fuck off when I try to help you then?"

"If it involves my sisters, then yes!" Izaya shouted.

"Jesus, Izaya, I never thought you and your family were so fucked up that you couldn't ask for help once in a while!" Shizuo shot back. "I was trying to make life easier for you!"

"And you totally screwed everything up!"

Shizuo became irate in an instant. "You're ungrateful, you know that? You want to bite the hand that feeds you? Fine. I'm out of here."

He started to storm down the hallway towards the exit to get buzzed out. It suddenly hit Izaya that he had just pushed his only connection to the outside world right out of his life. A twist hit his stomach suddenly – not only was Shizu-chan his only way to feel the other side of that door, but he realized in an instant how much the man meant to him. Unfortunately it was a lot.

"W-wait, Shizu-chan!" he called, running to catch up. "I didn't mean it."

Shizuo brushed him off. "Yes you did. Fuck this and fuck you. Don't even know why I bothered..." The door clicked and he opened it, stepping out as the free man he was.

"Shizu-chan..." Izaya pleaded softly. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I'll bet you are." And then he was gone.

Izaya stood there for a full minute, struck dumb by the whole fight, which took barely more than five minutes. He couldn't breathe, his chest was tight and the world seemed to spin. Tears stung his eyes for the first time in years, and he was too upset to angrily wipe them away in shame. He didn't realize what he had until he lost it. And he felt like he had lost his entire world.

"Are you alright, Izaya-san?" Tenshi asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Izaya didn't reply, in too much agony to even process what to say to her. "Is … is he coming back?"

"No."

Somehow, Tenshi understood. She went up to the nurse's window and ordered a small, oval and white pill. She had Izaya's wristband scanned and handed him a plastic cup of water. "Here, honey, I know an anxiety attack when I see one. Take this and we can talk."

For once, Izaya didn't question what it was. He downed it and handed Tenshi the cup back. "I don't feel like talking," he whispered bitterly, then went back to his room. By the time he got there he felt like he was floating. Xannax, he concluded as he curled up on his bed, refusing to cry.

_Man I'm lame... _was all he could think. Then the Xannax escorted him to sleep.

He didn't even wake up when dinner arrived. He skipped that evening's group. He ignored Yoshi's plea to play cards and Ryo's suggestion to get some fresh air as the staff had opened the deck. Nothing in this world could get Izaya to move (except a brief trip to the bathroom now and then).

Nothing but Shizu-chan.

And he just fucked it up.

Izaya didn't cheek his pills in the morning. He actually took them, and within a half-hour saw exactly why people who suffered chronic anxiety were so calm on such a cocktail. He felt like he was fucking stoned.

"How is everybody feeling today?" Dr. Jahid asked that morning. Mumbles of varied responses. "I will be having patient meetings later today, so be thinking of any concerns or opinions you might have. Constructive ones." That last statement was aimed for Kareshi and Izaya, but Izaya was off in la-la land. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Izaya decided that he liked Serequil.

He jumped when John tapped his shoulder right after lunch. He had been zoning out so bad that he hadn't noticed the large man even at close proximity. Normally he would be concerned that the drugs were affecting his alertness, but because of said drugs he wasn't. Izaya could care less about the world and all it's hurtful nuances.

He could care less about Shizu-chan.

"The doctor wants to see you next," John told him. Izaya rose slowly and drifted down the hallway that seemed a mile longer than it was yesterday. But that was okay. The fog was nice and numb and empty. Blessed emptiness. Walking in the nothing was a soothing experience. Though it only took a minute to reach his destination, it had felt like a hundred minutes had gone by when he finally took his seat across from Dr. Jahid.

"How are you today, Orihara-san?"

"Just fine."

"I hope you see why we needed to keep you here for so long," he was saying. "That stunt a few days ago was not appreciated by anyone, least of all my boss. I wanted to blah-blah blah blah-blah-blah..."

Izaya blinked, having lost track of what the doctor was talking about. He was tempted to ask him to repeat that last bit, but again, just didn't care enough to ask. His voice was irritating anyway. He just wanted to float back into his bed and sleep the day away. Sleep was way better than the pain of a fully awake and aware state of mind. So much easier...

"... perhaps by Saturday."

"What?"

"You might be eligible for discharge on Saturday," Dr. Jahid repeated. "But we'll see how stable you are emotionally and your behavior will dictate such a time frame, understand?"

"Yep."

"Could you send Asatanu-san in, please?"

"Sure."

Izaya spent the rest of the day in bed in blessed oblivion. It took Ryo flicking his ear really hard to wake him up. He flailed his arm lazily and grunted.

"You have visitors."

_Plural?_ "More than one?" he mumbled, trying to swallow the cotton in his mouth unsuccessfully.

"Two middle-school girls."

Izaya groaned and covered his head with the pillow. Not Kururi and Mairu … anybody but them...

"Is that you, Iza-nii?"

"He looks sick..."

"Are you sick?"

"Goddammit, piss off!" he snapped from his obvious hiding place beneath the covers.

His sisters ignored the rule of no visitors in the bedrooms and came in to yank said covers off. "Get up, Iza-Iza!"

"Yeah, come on!"

Izaya kicked out and narrowly missed Mairu's head. "Leave me alone, spawns of the abyss!" He pulled the flimsy blankets back over his head.

Kururi and Mairu stood before the foot of his bed with their arms crossed, determined. "You're still mad about Shizuo-san, aren't you?"

"Fuck off."

"Totally mad."

"Sulky too."

"Don't care. Go away, both of you."

"You're being a jerk again."

"Total jerk."

"Like I care," Izaya told them through the blanket. "Can't you just let me serve my sentence in peace? It's bad enough without you here!"

"Fine! See if we help you out ever again!" Kururi snapped, sticking out her tongue. She took Mairu's hand. "Come on, Mai-chan. Let Nii-san whine and sulk here. He deserves it!"

When they finally left Izaya punched the headboard of his bed. Goddamned brats! He wanted to get out of bed to make sure that they were really leaving and not just play acting to ambush him later, but the motivation to do so was sucked dry by the medications still running through his veins.

And he didn't care. Because without Shizu-chan … nothing mattered.


	10. The BitchSlap of Truth

**Committed**

**Chapter Nine**

**The Bitch-slap of Truth**

Izaya drifted though groups the next day as if a breeze were tugging his body along like it were a stray piece of fabric. He was convinced that the dosage of the Serequil was too much, but instead of bringing it up, he just rode on the high, content not to care about anything or anyone. Kind of sad when the most interesting thing was the brief flashes of light when he closed his eyes or the delayed sensations in his fingers.

He wondered if Itane was on something similar to him, because he could easily pass the time sleeping or staring at a wall.

Ryo sat next to him in the community area, sipping at his generic soda from a Styrofoam cup – the only way anybody could get that crappy excuse for soda around here. "So, if I had to guess..." he began. "You had a falling out with your guy."

"Yeah," was all Izaya said.

"And you started taking your pills instead of cheeking them."

"Yeah."

"Too stoned to care?"

"Yeah."

"Izaya-kun, if you – "

Ryo was interrupted by the buzz from the door that could be heard from down the hall. Someone was being let in. Izaya glanced at the clock – 5:30 already? Time seemed to fluctuate and twist lately. Either it crawled slowly by or darted out when one wasn't looking. It was hard to keep his thumb on it.

In walked Shizuo. At first Izaya didn't notice because he was too busy staring at the lines and divots on the palm of his hand. The nurse had Shizuo empty his pockets and made sure there was nothing he could slip a patient, then he took a seat across from Izaya, not saying a word.

Izaya finished tracing his lifeline with his other finger and looked up. "Hi."

"What in god's name do they have you on?" Shizuo demanded.

"Don't matter," Izaya replied, going back to exploring his palm, delighting in the jerky jolts of delayed feeling. It was mild, but noticeable and not easily described. He almost didn't notice Ryo getting up and giving them a moment to themselves.

"Last time I saw you, I could _feel_ the stir-crazy off of you. Now you're … you're just a shadow of yourself..."

"What do you care?"

Shizuo sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day. It's your apartment and your sisters, I should have asked. You had every right to be angry."

Izaya stopped tracing his palm and looked up, confused. "No wait, I'm the one that needs to apologize. I was unnecessarily rude in the matter."

Shizuo shrugged. "Well there you have it, we're both sorry. Kiss and make up?"

"Heh, dirty thoughts..."

Instead of chuckling, Shizuo frowned. "You're not just saying that because you're too doped up to put up a fight, are you?"

"That might be a part of it..." Izaya said quietly, hanging his head low. So sleepy... But Shizu-chan was here! He was sorry and willing to hear him out and it actually mattered! He wanted to feel ecstatic, but the milder emotion of relief was closer to what he felt.

Izaya felt like a watercolor painting. Washed out and hanging by a single nail on a wall. It was all so surreal.

"Wake up, Izaya. Do you even know what day it is?" Shizuo demanded. Izaya shrugged. "Look, I don't know what they have you on, but you don't need it. You're not crazy, you don't belong here so stop acting as if you were!"

Izaya lifted his head, which felt like it was a million pounds of dead weight, and looked Shizuo hard in the eye. It was hard to process facts and thus pick people apart on the drugs, but through the fuzz he saw concern. Desire. Even fear. "What are you afraid of, Shizu-chan?" he finally asked.

Shizuo was quiet for a moment, but did not divert the subject. He answered directly. "I don't want to lose you. Not to a stupid fight, not to another man or woman and most certainly not to drugs you don't need. I need you, Izaya. It's crazy and stupid and all this other stuff, but I can't go on without you. I don't care if we keep trying to kill each other or if something comes of … you know. But you can't stay in here, not in this half-person you are right now. You need to get out, because I need you in my life. Call me selfish, I don't care. Snap out of it."

Izaya stared at him, using every ounce of will power he had in order to stir up some kind of emotion. And what came up was dread. Dread of being like this forever. Dread of Shizuo leaving him because he couldn't take the transparent person he was at the moment. Dread of being alone.

Izaya sat back in his chair and leaned into himself, beginning to quiver with his head down. Shizuo was confused at first, but as the inaudible sobs started to make Izaya's shoulders shake, he understood. Izaya was keeping it back with all of his strength now that the emotion had been let out, holding his breath as long as he could for fear of choking on a sob then taking a quick and quiet gasp of air that allowed a small whimper to be heard. He tried to stop the flow of tears unsuccessfully, so he hung his head and let his hair catch them, wishing his face wasn't flushed with shame and that crushing dread.

Shizuo rose and knelt beside Izaya, taking his hand with one hand and running his fingers through Izaya's hair with the other. "It's okay..." he whispered, kissing Izaya's ear softly. "It's okay."

"N-no, no it is-sn't..."

"I'll talk to the doctor to see when they can let you out."

"It w-won't do any g-good."

"It can't hurt to ask."

"I want t-to go h-home..." Izaya choked just over a whisper, too ashamed to let anyone else know how lame he was by crying over a boy, and just what that boy meant to him.

"I know." Shizuo stroked Izaya's hair again. "I know."


	11. Victory Ootaru

**Committed**

**Chapter Ten **

**Victory Ootaru**

"The doctor wants to see you, Izaya-san," Tenshi called into the dining area.

Izaya dumped what was left of his lunch into the garbage and returned the tray, far more alert and aware today since he had cheeked and flushed his pills again. "On my way," he said, making his way to the office. He was excited, actually.

Today was day fifteen.

Izaya took his seat and leaned back to cross his legs. "Let's talk discharge."

Dr. Jahid sighed and flipped through his chart. "Indeed. If we keep you any longer we'd have to transfer you to a better equipped facility. Do you feel you're stable enough to leave?"

"But of course I do," Izaya laughed. "I've felt that way from the start. But if it makes you feel better, I've come to be more aware of my emotions and how to cope with them in a more efficient manner..."

_Not..._

"Good, good. I would like you to continue your medications at home." Jahid started to write him some scripts. Izaya resisted the urge to tell him not to bother – those things would be trash the minute he left. "And some out-patient therapy would be of use to you."

"Of course." _Whatever you want to hear, douchetart..._

"Here is a referral." Jahid held out his hand. It took a minute for Izaya to realize that he was reaching to shake his hand, which he obliged after a moment. "Best of luck to you, Orihara-san."

"Why thank you, Jahid-sensei," Izaya replied as sincerely as he could sound. "Am I free to go?"

"Yes. Have Tenshi buzz you out. Take care, yes?"

"You too."

Izaya practically skipped out the door and down the hall. "Oh _Tenshi_-_chan!"_

"What's up, Izaya-san?"

"I need my things that were confiscated. I'm outta here."

"Excellent!" Tenshi praised. She pulled out some keys and opened a closet by the shower stalls. Those Izaya would be too happy to leave behind – they were small, cramped and hardly private as the door was just accordion plastic with a magnet that didn't close all the way. Not to mention that the hospital shampoo had left his hair quite greasy. He was eager to bathe on his own terms with his own soap. Ugh.

Izaya received his wallet, his phone, his shoes, his mp3 player and of course his treasured flickblade. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of having his own things again. God, he could almost _taste_ the fresh air...

"You're leaving?" Ryo asked from the rec room.

"Unless they want a lawsuit, yes," Izaya replied happily. He slapped Ryo's shoulder. "Gimme a call when you get out, I was serious about that job bit."

"Will do, man. Smoke a cig for me, huh?"

"Sure. I'll just bum one from Shizu-chan," Izaya laughed. He waved to Itane and Gretchen. "Hey, I'm outtie!"

"Goodbye," Itane called from the corner, though Izaya was pretty sure she had no idea who she was talking to. Gretchen waved absently.

He made his way out to the nurse's station. "See ya, Kareshi."

"Oh, you're leaving too?" Kareshi asked.

"Fifteen days," Izaya reminded him. "Most everyone here should be up for discharge..."

"I know I am," Kareshi said with a grin. "By five today. I think everyone else is about to be transferred..."

"Not my problem!" Izaya called with a wave. "See you round, Tenshi, Yoko, Thomas, John!"

They all waved from behind the glass in the nurse's station. He heard the click from the door as it was buzzed open and he pushed it, reveling in the breeze it provided. He'd dreamed for days on end how wonderful it would finally be in order to pass through this door, and it was just as wonderful as he had imagined.

It was as if he'd never felt the sun or wind on his skin or through his hair before. He took a deep breath and walked on the sidewalk, ever so grateful that it wasn't ugly gray and teal linoleum. Oh, to walk in his own shoes! To have music that wasn't the pathetic attempts at pop, rap or country on the radio in his ears! To make phone calls at his leisure!

Ah, there was a rather urgent call he had to make... (and he didn't have to wait for Addy or Kareshi to get the hell off!) But first things first.

"Shiiiinra-chan!"

"Izaya-kun, where have you been? Why haven't you called?"

"You wouldn't believe me if i told you hahaha."

"Try me. You haven't had a job for either Celty or myself for over two weeks!"

"Speaking of which, I think I have a scare job for Celty."

"Oh?"

"Some fat-ass doctor, I'll give details later. I have another call to make though."

"It's Shizuo-kun, isn't it?"

Izaya was quiet for a minute. "How did you...?"

"He tells Celty everything, Izaya, you know that," Shinra chuckled. "And frankly, I'm not surprised at all. It took a bit to get much from him, but if I had to guess ... you were in a psyche ward, weren't you?"

"You wouldn't be surprised, would you..." Izaya grumbled, but grinned. At the moment, he didn't really care who knew, who didn't and who gave a crap. "Well, gotta jet!"

He scrolled down to Shizu-chan's number.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end asked, probably not recognizing the number.

"Why hello, Shizu-chan," Izaya purred. "Guess who's out of the slammer?"

"They finally let you out?" Shizuo asked.

"Yep!"

"That's awesome!"

"No kidding. Let's hit up Russia Sushi, huh? They make the best Ootaru!"

"Sure. My treat."

"No need for that, Shizu-chan..."

"I insist. Like a congratulations for getting out of the looney bin."

Izaya laughed. "Like Victory Ootaru! I love it! Meet you there?"

"Give me fifteen."

"Same. See ya!"

"See ya."

Izaya skipped on his way to Russia Sushi. He danced with a stranger. He freeran across the traffic lights. Nothing could match this feeling of being free. His email could wait, and so could everyone who was wondering where he'd been for the past two weeks. Shizu-chan was all his, and at his favorite place to eat! Oh! He could have eaten anything that wasn't hospital food and it would have been wonderful!

He walked in and found Shizuo sitting towards the back. Simon looked concerned all the sudden. "Izaya – you know Shizuo is here, yeah?"

"Perfectly well," Izaya assured the Russian, making a beeline for his rival. Simon sighed and cracked his knuckles, expecting to have to kick them both out. It must have been a real shocker to see them not only be civil with each other, but to see Izaya throw his arms around Shizuo in glee.

"Jeez, Pest, take it easy!" Shizuo laughed.

"You don't know how good this feels!" Izaya laughed, kissing him fiercely on the lips in front of everybody. Shizuo was not expecting such an attack and nearly fell over with surprise. "GODDAMN Shizu-chan! I'd fuck you right here if you'd let me!"

"Hah! Let's wait on that, I think Simon is ready to have a heart attack," Shizuo chuckled.

The Ootaru was delicious, but it was the fact that it wasn't cafeteria slop that made Izaya love it so much. Izaya was ridiculously happy the whole time, and Shizuo just watched in awe as he did the strangest things – things that anybody would take for granted if they weren't denied them like Izaya was. He took the shoe strings out of his shoes and flicked Shizuo's face with them playfully. He changed the ringtone on his phone six times. He blared "Judas" by Lady GaGa on his mp3 player and sang along loudly.

"Oh, that reminds me," he suddenly said. "Can I bum a cigarette?"

"Why? You don't smoke."

"I promised I'd smoke one for Ryo-kun."

Shizuo shrugged and handed him one as they paid the bill and left, shaking his head. "Things you would never think be a big deal until you lose them..."

"Like draw strings," Izaya added. "Light me. I'm lucky my parka didn't have them, or it would have been ruined because they would have made me take them out. How lame is that?" Shizuo lit the cigarette for him and he took a long drag and coughed. "This … this is a disgusting habit, Shizu-chan, how do you do it?"

Shizuo laughed. "With class. Hey, where are we going?"

Izaya waved to flag down a cab. "Shinjuku."

"Why's that?"

"Uh, I live there, duh."

"My place is closer."

A knowing lust flashed in Izaya's eyes as that smirk spread across his lips. "I miss my place," he decided, crossing his arms, testing Shizuo's will.

"Fine, if you really wanna wait that long," he replied softly, almost huskily.

_Ooh, good point. _"Okay, you win." Izaya put his arms over Shizuo's shoulders and touched his lips to the taller man's in a most provocative manner. "Lead the way," he whispered.

"Tease."

"You know it."

****END COMMITTED****

_A/N: thank you so much for all the love! You guys rock! For reference, yes, all of these things are true and most of them (except the escape) either happened or something close to them happened (not necessarily to me, but they were useful springboards for the story). DON'T EVER GET COMMITTED lol..._

_I will continue with an epilogue encore upon request, if you guys want, but its pretty obvious what happens lol...  
><em>

_ Another thanks to all you fans! See you next time for a story called "Chasing Letters" ._


	12. Epilogue

**Committed**

**Epilogue**

Shizuo pushed Izaya against the door of his apartment in eagerness. The way the pest's tongue was roaming his neck made it very hard to fumble for the keys, and Izaya relished in his counfoundedness. He couldn't help but to laugh against the skin of his lover as he dropped the keys with shaking fingers and cursed.

"What's the matter, Shizu-chan?" he whispered in his ear. "Having some trouble?"

"Fuck you, pest, this is all your fault..." Shizuo huffed, bending down to retrieve the damnable things.

Izaya laughed. "You're in a pretty good position there, Shizu-chan, you sure you want to wait?"

"Knock it _off_," Shizuo gasped, head swimming in the lust for the now documentably insane informant. He retrieved the keys and shoved them into the lock, not willing to wait another second for another taste of Izaya.

And this time it seemed, Shizuo wasn't slapped with shock. Izaya was very pleased to find him the one under the spell of uncontrollable lust, though he couldn't deny that it was heatedly reciprocated.

Shizuo shoved Izaya down on his couch and captured his mouth again. Izaya laughed in sheer giddiness and it turned into a moan very quickly as Shizuo's teeth sunk into his shoulder. "Ooh, you're rough, I like it... _uhn..."_

Shizuo bit harder as his hands sought to be rid of these barriers called clothes. Izaya's hands wandered between them and found that familiar erection, aching to be handled in the worst way. A noise escaped Shizuo from the contact as Izaya yanked and pulled on his pants. _Stupid button..._

Impatience won out, and the button went flying when Izaya tore it clear off. Shizuo didn't really care, he was just eager for skin on skin contact again. Izaya could feel the want radiating off of his rival, and wanted to give him a chance at dominance. He wanted the brute inside of him, he wanted to feel the friction, he wanted that throbbing member to hit that spot inside of him...

"Jesus, would you just fuck me already?" Izaya moaned in eagerness.

Shizuo spat on his own hard on and shoved Izaya down, much to his delight. "Then quit squirming." His entry was a might bit painful, but wonderful at the same time. Izaya let out a heated cry as Shizuo secured himself within him. His face flushed in pleasure, his heart raced and the noises of approval sort of came out of his throat without his consent. It was alright – Shizuo needed to know that _goddamn_ this was good! _Fuck, god, fuck, FUCK!_

Shizuo rocked into Izaya, claiming him, marking him, gaining revenge for the earlier offense of catching him off guard and making it loud and clear that he was no one's bitch, no matter how insane or overwhelming Izaya might be. "Dammit Pest..." Shizuo breathed raggedly. "You're gonna make me come..."

Izaya grabbed Shizuo's hand and wrapped it around his erection. "Then you better make me come too. God, _do it_ to me! YES!"

The encounter was over within minutes of Shizuo's hand on Izaya's member. He went off seconds after Shizuo finally grunted and let loose inside of him. All he could do was huff a string of curses. At last! This was freedom at its finest! To fuck at one's leisure! "Oh FUCK, Shizu-chan!" he threw back his head and laughed hysterically. "I LOVE FREEDOM! YES!"

Shizuo sat back with a chuckle, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand. "Never would have thought..."

"Thought what?" Izaya purred, detangling himself from Shizuo's arms and legs and looking about for his boxers. The fact that the man hadn't even let him get his jacket off before his need to completely claim him was both fantastically erotic and somewhat awkward.

"YOU, of all people..."

"Take a minute to catch your breath, Shizu-chan," Izaya laughed, pulling on his underwear and rising to see where his pants had ended up.

"Do me a favor."

"Neeee~?"

"Don't you EVER get committed again," Shizuo ordered, laying back on his couch and shaking his head. "And then don't leave me hanging for about a week either!"

"Heh, deal," Izaya agreed, crossing his arms. "Care to throw anything heavy at my head?"

"Not particularly."

"Pity, our game is over."

"Don't say it like that..." Shizuo said with a frown.

"Fine. A new game starts." Izaya buttoned his pants and leaned over his lover, brushing his lips against Shizuo's. He grabbed his crotch quite suddenly, making Shizuo stiffen. "Catch me if you can!" Izaya licked Shizuo's face and darted out the door with a wink and a wave.

Shizuo grinned and fumbled for his clothing. "You're on."

****END COMMITTED EPILOGUE****


End file.
